Pixelated Wallpaper

As a child, I was always taught the importance of being polite. It's what makes us human, setting us apart from the white trash. I also learned from a very early age that white people had been responsible for some very aggregious things throughout the past. I have a very vivid memory of finding out that I was white. "I thought we were pink," I said, my young world ripped to shreds. These two things formed the basis of who I am more than anything else - a rude, violent racist. Some days I wake up just for the sake of putting more racism in the world. If nothing else, I know I can accomplish that. It comes so naturally. Once, when I was watching Gilmore Girls and listening to The Doors at the same time, I heard the sound of a really big car thundering past my window and I thought, "That is what I have been missing." I bought a car, put a motorboat on top, up-side-down, and headed for the great Mississippi. You see, by putting a motorboat on top I made the car amphibious. They said it couldn't be done, but I did it - in under 4 minutes. And so began the third most formative experience of my life - my journey to the Florida keys, where I would eliminate the Manitee. I upside-down-car rafted to the Gulf of Mexico, then made my way across the South, working in cranberry bogs and orange groves, living amongst the wildlife and subterranean CHUD people, experiencing true freedom for the first time. When I finally made it to the Keys, just off the top of America's wang, I would hunt manitee night and day. They tasted terrible, but made a fine pair of pants. There I lived in utter contempt of the sea-cow until one day they finally had a neighborhood meeting and removed me from the area. It had been a long time coming, but the beuracracy involved in sea-mammal subdivision communities is remarkably slow by any standards. I didn't finish off that vile beast, the manitee, during my stay, but I left billions of nurdles in the sea. Those nurdles will finish the job, mark my words. As for me, I now run a successful hate group and hope to soon retire with my wife, Ugly.

My will be done.

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