Busgate Journal: Part 1

Captain's Log: Darius P. Busdriver, Piloting Megabus M5 from Chicago to Saint Louis, Scheduled to depart at 11:55pm, March 16 2009.

11:55 - Scheduled to be at stop. Not there. Planning to show up 40 minutes, unbeknownst to passengers. Sadistic tendencies at full tilt tonight.

12:35am, March 17 2009 - Successfully arrived 40 minutes late. Time to see how far I can throw luggage.

12:45 - Pretty far. Bus is loaded. Passengers seem irritated. Time to walk circles around bus for approximately 15 minutes, talking loudly on cell phone. No discernable reason.

1:00 - Did quick, stompy check through bus, glaring at ticket-holding customers like a bull at a matador. Can feel their hate growing.

1:15 - After doing God-knows-what for 15 minutes, I have decided to turn off the harsh overhead lights, offering rest to those passengers who might want to sleep for some reason at 1:15 in the morning.

1:17 - Herky jerky false start #1.

1:19 - Herky jerky false start #2, this time moving bus approximately one foot so that passengers would think we were actually going somewhere.

1:23 - False starts # 3, 4 and 5, some herky, some jerky. Their hate pulses like a throbbing organ. It is this organ that sustains me.

1:27 - After scratching and staring for a pointless 4 minutes, it is time to begin a drunken joyride across the dullscape known as Illinois. Turning harsh overhead lights back on.

1:30 - Turned off harsh overhead lights, offering passengers relief. Immediately began blaring shitty teen comedy over bus speaker system and dropped multiple movie screens to illuminate bus with glow of shitty teen comedy. Dvd had error. Stopped Dvd, turned off player. Passengers thought nightmare was over. Turned back on again. Repeat x3.

1:37 - Hate has grown to rapturous fervor. It is good. I feed on it and it makes my driving increasingly more erratic.

1:41- Now seems like a great time to start blasting the air conditioners.

1:44 - Must take break from logging. Need to put full focus on taking up two or more lanes on the highway. Seem to be getting drunker and swervier...